Behind her smile
by roselike-kiss
Summary: New and Improved Version! Hermione has a perfect life. Perfect boyfriend, perfect grades, perfect body, perfect friends, perfect everything. But . . . something hides behind her smile . . . Who's better to find out than Draco Malfoy? HGDM REVIEW!
1. Unexpected Encounter

  
** Behind her smile  
  
A/N:** Okay, this fic may look very familiar for the ones who have read my fics, and that's because I've decided to re-write IT. I really like the general idea of this fic but I have to admit that I did a very poor job when it comes to writing it. So I changed it all and now it's, well--- basically it's the same idea, but written differently. I, personally, like this version much more.  
  
Well, hope u all like the new behind her smile. Read and Review, pls!!  
  
**Disclaimer:** (I always 4get to put this, lol.) I do not own Harry Potter. It's all J.K's idea. I only own the plot, which BTW is totally my idea. (no ppl, I didn't get it from the movie thirteen!!!) 

* * *

**DRACO'S POV.**  
  
"Come here, Draco!" Pansy said to me with her arms open as if she was a little girl waiting for her dad to pick her up. And I've got to admit that it was a very tempting offer. She was sitting in her bed with her legs crossed, and her mini skirt that barely covered her legs and panties. Her white school blouse was unbuttoned and she wasn't wearing a bra.  
  
I have known Pansy almost my whole life. Her parents are my father's friends. I've always kinda had a crush on Pansy. Not a huge crush, but enough to feel attracted to her. She had always had THE body to seduce boys. And I knew it. I, myself, am no ugly guy. In fact I kinda have a lady's man reputation. I've never felt strongly about anyone, if you don't count Pansy. Personally, I don't even think love exists. Like for example, my dad always told my mother that he loved her, and vise versa. But they both had affairs with other people.  
  
Love, for me, is good sex, or lots of money. At least that's what I have learned. You can hate someone but when you offer them money they'll treat you like a god. And don't people always say I love you when they have good sex? I know, I have been told that lots of times.  
  
Anyways, back to Pansy. I have never, ever, had sex with her; nor have I kissed her, or touched her. For me Pansy was like the golden goal. The trophy I would receive when it was time. Well, now it was time. There she was sitting on her bed waiting for me to have sex with her. This was the major leagues. And I didn't even want to get near the bitch.  
  
Harsh, I know. But it just didn't seem right to be with her. And I know I've done lots of bad stuff, but this one felt pretty bad. Like half of me was saying: 'Go and sleep with her, what are you waiting for, loser?', but the other half was telling me: 'Don't do it! She's not worth it and you know it! C'mon, run away from her, what are you waiting for, loser?'  
  
"Draaaco! Come here baby, I'm waiting!" She said with a bitchy tone. She stood up and grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and kissed me. A deep, passionate kiss. Slowly her hands started to unbutton my shirt. And I started to get really nervous.  
  
Then I was shirtless and her hands were on my pants' fly. Bye, bye pants, and off they go.  
  
Pansy is all over me now. Her hands are dragging me closer to her: Closer to the bed. Until finally we're on the bed. She manages to turn around and now she's on top of me.  
  
Now, normally, I will be more that happy about this. But now . . . I was kinda scared to be honest.  
  
But scared of Pansy? It was so unreal. Yet it was just what I was feeling.  
  
Just when Pansy was kissing my neck I managed to say something. "N-No" I whispered loudly enough for her to hear me. Pansy stopped and looked at me puzzled.  
  
"No? No what?" She said confused.  
  
"Don't do it" I said shyly.  
  
"Don't do what?" Pansy sat on the bed again. "Don't you want to have sex?"  
  
The word "no" was out of my mouth before I could even think of an answer.  
  
"What...? Huh...?" She was asking as if I could read her mind and find out the endings of each question.  
  
I stood up and grabbed my shirt and my pants. "So that's it, huh? You're whole life you've been begging me to take you, and now you're just gonna turn me down? Geez Draco, what the fuck is wrong with you?"  
  
She was right, what's wrong with me?? No idea but there's no time to wonder. I need to leave the room....  
  
I put on my clothes and walk towards the door.  
  
"You can't just leave me here. I'm—I'm Pansy Parkinson!" Pansy yelled after me.  
  
And just as I was leaving I hear her say: "I'll get you Draco! I always get what I want, and I want you! Go ahead; you can run but you can't hide. And sooner or later you're gonna understand what a big mistake you did and gonna come begging me to take you back. On day—"  
  
"Oh, shut up already" I interrupted her annoyed.  
  
"Just wait till everybody hears that the great Draco Malfoy got scared of Pansy Parkinson!" and then she laughed. An evil, ice cold laugh.  
  
I stopped at the door. Once again she was right. What was everyone going to say? Maybe I was acting very odd, but not oddly enough so that I couldn't care what other people might think , or about my reputation.  
  
I turned and walked towards her.  
  
"Yeah, that's more likely . . . . . . Come here big guy" Pansy said with a smile on her face.  
  
I took my wand out of my pocket and pointed it at her.  
  
"What the f—" "Obliviate!" I interrupted her. She fell on the bed. I arranged her clothes on her so it would look like I was never there and she had fell asleep alone.  
  
Then I left the room hoping I'd never had to come back. 

* * *

It was late at night. But I really didn't want to go to my dorm where Zabini will be waiting for me to tell him what had happened with Pansy. What would I tell him? That I got scared and ran away? I don't think so.  
  
So I decide to go to the only place I could think at the moment: The Astronomy Tower. After all nobody ever goes there, right? Wrong. Just as I entering to the Tower I heard a noise. Kind of like sobbing. More specifically; like a girl crying.  
  
I quietly searched for her. Then I see a figure sitting on the floor, looking at the floor crying.  
  
And then it hit me who she was . . . "Granger? What are you doing here? And why on earth are you crying?" I asked Hermione. Hermione jumped and wiped her eyes quickly.  
  
After a while she managed to speak:  
  
"I am not crying. And I think the question is what are you doing here?" Her voice was breaking and her eyes were red and puffy. So obviously she had been crying.  
  
"I—I just wanted a little of fresh air" I lied.  
  
"Yeah right. At the middle of the night? I don't think so." She said all bossy.  
  
"Well, as I couldn't sleep I decided to go out" I lied again.  
  
"Are you aware that you are breaking about 10 ruled by being here?"  
  
"Well yeah but . . . —Hey! You're here too!" I said.  
  
"I, unlike you, am a Head Girl. So I have all the right to be making guard and keeping an eye for students that are out of bed" Hermione said in a very annoying tone.  
  
"I don't think sneaking out to cry counts as 'keeping an eye on students' does it?" I said. And this time I won. She couldn't get out of that one, surely.  
  
Hermione looked as if she wanted to say something but nothing occurred to her.  
  
"Okay you caught me!" She finally said. "I won't tell, if you don't tell either, ok?"  
  
"Deal" I said hoping she was an honest girl.  
  
Silence. Then I spoke "So... I guess that if you're not telling and me neither, I can sit here and get the fresh air I came for" I said as I sat down.  
  
She looked at me puzzled but then apparently decided to let go whatever she wanted to say.  
  
We sat there not talking to each other. Then I looked at her. She wasn't looking at me, she was just kinda in deep thought. And that's when I realized. Hermione Granger was known by her attitude. You could say that she was kind of like Pansy; always with boys around her: boys wanting her.  
  
But she, unlike Pansy, seemed perfect in every way. She had good friends, good grades, she was popular, she had a great body and appearance, she was sexy, and she was always very confident. She knew just what to say make guys fall crazily in love with her. She was easily the most popular girl in school.  
  
And there she was. Sitting next to me, and she had been crying. Of all the people of school, she was the last one I would have expected to see crying.  
  
"So..." I said.  
  
"So? So what?" Hermione asked.  
  
"So, why were you crying?" I was dying of curiosity.  
  
"I believe that's none of your business is it?" Hermione told me.  
  
"Fine, be like that!" I said.  
  
"Fine!"  
  
"Fine!"  
  
"fine!"  
  
"F—"  
  
"Argh! Stop it! I'm leaving!" She interrupted me and stood up.  
  
"Yeah, well, me too!" I said standing up too. I felt like such a little kid. We both left. 

* * *

**HERMIONE'S POV** (next in that same night) I ran to my room and gave the password to the Witch of the portrait.  
  
"Aren't you supposed to be in bed?" The witch told.  
  
"Yeah, well, I'm a Head Girl, and I was guarding something . . . " I lied. Why was everyone so interested in my life?? Couldn't I just sneak out a bit?  
  
"Oh, I see" The witch said, still not quite believing me.  
  
"Just let me in, okay?" I told her angrily. The portrait swung open letting me in.  
  
The Head Common Room was empty, as it always was at this hour. No surprise, since I shared it with Ernie McMillian. He was a nice guy and all, but sometimes he was just too nice. He cared a lot about school. Like he always needed to rest, so the next day he would be in his full self to study and learn! I admit it, I have good grades. After all, I am a Head Girl. But lately, or more specifically; this last year, I haven't been paying enough attention in school.  
  
I used to study every day after dinner and sometimes after school too. But now, I spend my free time with Andrew (my boyfriend) or with some other boy.  
  
And at night I go up to the Astronomy Tower . . . I entered my room and shut the door. It had been long day, and a long night. And I felt kinda sad.  
  
I opened the first drawer of my night table and grabbed my scissors. I've always kept them there. Along with my compass, and some pocket knives.  
  
My scissors are special. They're not like the common scissors that barely cut paper. This scissors are very sharp. Sharp enough to cut thought skin. I lifted the sleeve of my blouse and made a little cut with the scissors, then sighed. God it felt good.  
  
I watched the blood pour out of the cut.  
  
A tear fell down my cheek. I guess it was because of the pain. Yeah, it did hurt. But for me pain was good. Pain on the outside makes me forget about the pain on the inside.  
  
Next to the cut I just did, there were about 10 more. In each arm.  
  
Some weren't cuts anymore, some were just scars. I could remember almost every cut; at the time I had done them, and why I'd done them.  
  
I like to imagine my blood is my problems, and when I cut it's not just blood leaving my body, but all my problems too.  
  
If someone in the school knew about this, they wouldn't believe it. After all I am little Miss Confident to everyone. Everybody thinks I'm so sure about myself, when I don't really think I know who I am. Everybody's constantly watching . . . And I need to be perfect for them. Otherwise how can they like me? Would Andrew like me if he knew how insecure I am? Would my friends? I don't think so. _Perfection is my direction, 'cause in the end that's all that's left._ And that's my motto. Besides if people knew I was cutting myself, they would freak and probably send me to St. Mungo's. I am not crazy. And I do not need help.  
  
Tonight had been really, really close. I'm glad I forgot my scissors here. What would've Draco done if he had caught me cutting myself?  
  
I sighed. People just don't understand. Cutting isn't bad. On the contrary, if I wouldn't cut, I think I'd crack. Cutting is the perfect drug: 

I don't hurt other people when I do it,

I do not turn crazy,

It's free,

And most importantly;

it works.

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**A/N:** for old reviewers: teehee, like my chapter? Different? Yeah, it's different, but I like it. Tell me what u think, please.  
  
As for the people that are reading my fic for the first time: I bet you didn't expect that about Draco, huh? Or that about Hermione? I know the beginning is a little weird and twisted, and I know I'm crazy for making Hermione do that, but it'll get better. Oh, yeah, and remember that this is fan FICTION! Hopefully, this will never happen in the books.  
  
To everyone: **REVIEW!!!** As u can see I have an obsession with reviews, so **REVIEW!!!** Oh, yeah, and remember to be_ nice_. = ) **RESPONSES!!!:**  
  
**bloomsgurl75056:** Here it is! Hope u like it! Review! ( hehe  
  
**Cassie:** Thanx! I really hope u like this version! 

**Sebastiana Nixoria D'Azur:** Thanx, i guess. Lol.  
  
**casey windsor:** HEY GURL! LOVE YA! Thanx 4 the beta job!! U ROCK!  
  
**XxXtAP-daNCiNg-sPIdeRsXxX:** thanx chica! Lol! Well, hope u like this version!  
  
**Applescm:** YAY! APPLES ROCK!! Lol! Is this soon enough?


	2. Just another potions lesson

** Just another potion lesson**

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**A/N:** Hey ppl! Here's the new chapter, enjoy!!!

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing!!! Except my own twisted mind and ideas!

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**DRACO'S POV**  
  
I woke up next morning, got dressed and ready for breakfast.  
  
When I was walking towards my table a couple of girls waved, and some others smiled. Pansy was one of them. You would expect her between all people turn her back on me after what happened last night. But she didn't remember the incident.  
  
I sat next to Zabini and Crabbe.  
  
"So?" Zabini asked me exited.  
  
"So what?" I asked back. But of course I knew what was coming. . .  
  
"You and Pansy, last night. How did it go?" Zabini asked again.  
  
"Well . . . er . . . there was a . . . a change of plans" I invented.  
  
"Change of plans? As in . . . How? Don't tell me you didn't shag her!" Zabini said out loud.  
  
"Could you keep it down, please" I said with my teeth clenched. Zabini just gave me this shocked look.  
  
"So you didn't? You just went to her dorm and left without having sex? That's so unlike you mate!" Zabini told me without really lowering his voice.  
  
"It's not that I didn't want to, it's just that . . . she . . . erm . . . "  
  
"She what?" Zabini asked impatiently.  
  
"She was having . . . erm . . . her period. Yes, her period!" Oh brilliant Malfoy "And you know girls can't have any sex while they're . . . you know; having _it_"  
  
"Oh! Well that explains it . . ." Zabini said believing me. "So when are you going to see her again?"  
  
Shit! Didn't see that coming. . .  
  
"Well, right now. Can't avoid her, can I? She's in my same house" I said starting to get nervous.  
  
To my surprise Zabini laughed. Loudly. He gave me a slap on the back "You know what I mean!" He said smirking.  
  
Yeah, I knew . . .  
  
"Well, I dunno, it takes what? 7 days, or something for her . . . you know . . . to pass, it. And then they have to stay another week, because of the . . . the . . . "  
  
"The what?"  
  
"You know they get all moody and stuff. You just have to wait for another 7 days to pass, and that is if you're lucky" He finished.  
  
_Please let him be stupid enough to believe me!_  
  
Zabini stared at me like processing my answer.  
  
"Whoa, you really know chicks! I didn't even know half of the things you said!" Zabini said stupidly.  
  
I just stared. I mean, how stupid can you get? Well, thanks Merlin Zabini didn't know anything about sex ed.  
  
"Yeah, well, you know me, I'm a master of the subject!" I said smirking.  
  
A couple of minutes later Hermione entered the Great Hall. She looked just as gorgeous as always. She was smiling and looking for her friends at her table. Then her boyfriend came and gave her a big wet one on the lips. He grabbed her hand and they sat on the Gryffindor table next to Potter, Weasley, Seamus, Lavender, and Parvati.  
  
"That Granger sure is hot. You think she's like, a cheater?" Zabini said. Apparently he was looking at Hermione too.  
  
"I heard she stole her best friend's boyfriend. You know, the guy she's dating now. Andrew something" Pucey told us.  
  
"Well, if she did that I'm sure she's willing to cheat on her boyfriend now. I hope she is at least; I've been wanting to get a piece of that fine ass since the term started" Zabini said still looking at Hermione.  
  
"What do you think Malfoy?" Goyle asked me. The fourth of them looked at me waiting for an answer (Zabini, Pucey, Crabbe and Goyle)  
  
Now there are good things about being the leader, but it's hard work too. These idiots think they know everything about me, and that they're like my best mates ever. But I can assure you that if I didn't care about my reputation I wouldn't be here sitting with them.  
  
"I think Granger's okay. But I wouldn't want to get caught near a Mudblood" I said. They all laughed and nodded.  
  
"You're right. But, hey; I just do it for the sake of having a good shag. And Merlin knows those are hard to find this days" Zabini said.  
  
"Yeah" said Pucey.  
  
"Yeah" said Crabbe and Goyle at the same time.  
  
Puhleease, like those guys didn't even know what Zabini was talking about. From what I know, they're both still virgins.  
  
"I mean, I really don't want to get involved with a Mudblood, but from what I've heard, Granger can be full of surprises" He finished with a smirk.  
  
"Yeah . . ." I said in a distant tone. Hermione was laughing at something Andrew-what's-his-face said. She looked as if she was the happiest girl of school. And by the sound of things; she was. I mean, she has everything to get every guy she wants, she has straight marks, and she is gorgeous. But then, _why_ was she crying last night?

* * *

**HERMIONE'S POV** Oh my God, I can't believe Harry has turned this vain. I mean, he had checked his appearance 3 times on his spoon!  
  
Popularity sure changes people . . .  
  
I don't think I really belong in this crowd anymore. They're just a bunch of material, horny, self-obsessed teenagers.  
  
Oh how I wish things were like they used to be: When Harry, Ron and I were the golden trio. Sometimes I just feel like screaming and running away from this people, but of course I will never do it. After all part of me is just like them.  
  
"So, what do you think Hermione?" Parvati asked me.  
  
"What?" I said clueless. I saw Parvati glare at me.  
  
"I _said_; Do you think Pansy and Malfoy are together?" Parvati repeated annoyed.  
  
"I dunno. I heard something like that" I said. I didn't really cared at all. Pansy could be dating the Giant Squid and I still wouldn't give a shit.  
  
"Well, _I _heard Pansy blabbing about Malfoy the other day. About a date she was gonna have with him. She said he was like deeply in love with her" Lavender said in her permanent bitchy tone.  
  
"Oh, well the lucky bitch she is. I mean just look at Malfoy. He's like a total hottie" Said Anna. (Anna Johansson: Seamus new girlfriend)  
  
This was just a common breakfast conversation at our table. Guys talked about quidditch and girls. And girls talked boys and rumors.  
  
I looked at my watch then said "Well I guess I better get going I need to get my books and everything"  
  
"I'll come with you" Andrew said standing up.  
  
"No! I mean--- Don't worry about me. I still have to go to pick up my books and I need to go to the loos. Nah, I'll see you later" I said and gave him a smile and a quick kiss.  
  
I exited the Great Hall and headed towards the loos.  
  
I didn't want Andrew with me today. I was kind of in a mood. Last night I have stayed up till it was very late and had to get up early today to go to school. I had dark rings around my eyes. I entered the Girl's bathrooms yawning then stood in front of the mirrors to watch my reflection closely.  
  
I lifted the sleeves of my cloak and opened the water to wet my face. Just then someone came out of a cubiculum. It was Ginny.  
  
She gave a quick look at me and started washing her hands.  
  
"Hello Hermione" said Ginny coldly.  
  
"Hello Ginny" I said my whipping my face with some paper.  
  
"I saw the show you put up with Andrew at breakfast" She said trying to hide the hurt tone on her voice and not looking at me.  
  
"What? Jealous?" I joked. But just as I said it I regretted it.  
  
"Ha Ha Ha" She said not even smiling  
  
"C'mon Ginny don't start again . . . "I sighed.  
  
"Start again? Start what? _You_ were the one that started to hang out with those guys and kicked me out, didn't you? _You_ were the one who stole Andrew from me, weren't you? _You_ started it Hermione, so don't go acting like a little innocent bitch, because that is not a role you're good at" Ginny was now looking directly at my eyes.  
  
Her blue eyes were full of fury. This was so like her: she always likes to remember me why we aren't friends anymore.  
  
I sighed "Oh please Ginny, get over it! It's just one guy!"  
  
"One guy? _One guy_? Hermione it wasn't any guy, he was my _boyfriend_! And you stole it! And we were friends!" She said with her ears getting very red as she spoke.  
  
"I didn't steal it! He preferred me! So stop bringing the subject and leave me alone okay?" I said looking at Ginny. But Ginny wasn't looking at my face now. She was looking at my arms.  
  
"What happened to _you_?" She asked curiously. I looked down: my sleeves were still up showing the cuts in my arms. I quickly hid my arms behind my back.  
  
"None of you're business, is it?" I said giving her a cold look.  
  
"Well, fine! _Be like that_. Not that I care about what happens to you" And with that she left the bathroom.  
  
I reapplied my make up and left the bathroom too.

* * *

I sat with Harry and Ron on potions.  
  
"You're late" Harry said.  
  
"Shut up" I told him. There wasn't much of a friendship left. Harry, Ron and I, we who had once been the greatest friends in the world, were now just 3 people who hung out together. When had this happened? Well, I guess it happened when Harry defeated Voldemort and dropped the whole innocent boy act. He started going out with girls and after a while Ron did too. I passed a hard time after that when I realized I had no friends left. I remember watching everyone getting on with their lives, and starting to act more mature. I was left behind, until I realized that if you couldn't beat them, you had to join in. I changed my appearance personality completely; I started to hang out with Ron and Harry's crowd. The cute guys and hot girls crowd. I had what it takes to join in, so I did.  
  
After that I slept with Harry and then with Ron. It wasn't a big deal. I didn't love them or anything, and they didn't love me either. It had been just for fun. Okay: A so-not-innocent fun.

* * *

"Okay, now everybody leave a sample of your potions and for homework I want a 13 inches long essay about Amenorah's Draught, to be delivered on Friday" Snape said.  
  
"Shit, more work!" Blaise told me. He and I spent all the class talking. Snape didn't say anything because he is a Slytherin.  
  
"Hermione you didn't do your potion! What are you going to do now?" Harry said. And he was right. Lately I haven't been paying any attention in class.  
  
"Oh, don't worry. Piece of cake" I told him.  
  
Harry had managed to fill 3 samples. I took one, since he just needed one, and looked at it: it wasn't perfect, in fact it was a very poor job.  
  
So I waited till everybody left the room and walked towards Snape who was watching me, probably wondering why I was still there. Just as I was walking with the sample in my hand, I pretended to drop it. The sample crashed on the floor, spilling the entire potion.  
  
"Oh no!" I said and bended to pick the broken pieces of glass. As I went down my skirt went up, and up. I knew he was looking at my butt, and my legs, but I didn't care. In fact that was the point. I knew Snape was a total perv; I've seen him stare at me, and some other girls.  
  
I left him stare a minute or so. And then I stood up and waved my hair off my face.  
  
"What am I going to do? I already cleaned my caldron! Oh no, now you're gonna think I'm stupid and I'm going to get a lousy grade" I said with my best act of sadness.  
  
I saw Snape's face; he was looking at me almost drooling. It was sick.  
  
"W-why don't you bring me another sample next class. I'm sure it was perfect anyway, like always" He said. And then smirked at me. Ugh.  
  
"Really? Oh thank you so much! Of course I'll bring it" And I turned, picked my stuff and left.  
  
Ron and Harry were waiting for me.  
  
"Amazing" Harry said.  
  
"Brilliant" Ron complimented.  
  
"Thanks, told you it was a piece of cake" I said like it was no big deal.  
  
"Think Snape will let me skip the essay if I show him a little bit of leg?" Ron joked.  
  
We 3 laughed together. But inside I felt bad. I felt like such a slut. Things like that make me cut myself.  
  
Somehow it reminds me of Dobby: punishing himself after doing something he wasn't supposed to do.  
  
I wasn't supposed to be talking with Blaise during class. But that is part of the Hermione everybody wants. Part of the Hermione I pretend to be.

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**A/N:** hey readers!! so do u like my chapie!! **REVIEW!!!!** next chapter is one of my favorites! i'll update as soon as i can!

LOVE:

tERESA!!!


	3. Partying and babbling too much

**A/N: **NEW CHAPTER! READ!

Sry I haven't updated!

Oh and thanx to karen! (Casey Windsor) for taking her time to check my stupid grammar mistakes!

"I dunno why I care so much

When I shouldn't care at all"

_ Your boyfriend sucks- The Ataris_

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"**Partying and babbling too much"**

**HERMIONE'S POV**

I blinked. It felt as if my upper eyelashes were made of solid Metal. Very heavy solid metal. My head was hurting like hell. My legs were failing too.

I should have known . . .

My so called friends have given me some little pills saying: 'they would make me feel better'.

And they did for a little while. It felt as if I was flying. But the effect passed and now my head felt like if it had been replaced with a bomb about to explode.

And to top it all: I had a date with Andrew. Not that I didn't like dates. But who wants to go on a date when they have a headache like this?

I was walking toward my dorm when I hear a male voice yelling my name.

"Hermione! _Hermione_!" It was Ernie McMillan, the Head Boy. He was running towards me and when he finally reached me he was panting for breath.

"So, we're on for Friday night, right?" Ernie asked me when he could finally breathe normally.

I blinked at him. Did I have a date with him or something? Oh no. Not with him, _please_.

Argh! Fucking headache! Remember Hermione _remember_. . .

"My party . . . ? Remember? In our common room?" He said noticing the puzzled look in my face.

"I told you to invite your friends and you said okay" He said anxiously.

"Oh! Yeah, of course we're on. Looking forward to it" I said.

"And...?"

"And yes, I already told my friends, they said they'll be there"

"Great! Thank you Hermione! Thank you. You rock!" And he gave me a little kiss on the cheek.

Ernie could be so cheesy sometimes, but he was okay.

I had completely forgotten about the party. Luckily, I had told my friends already.

Gosh, my head was failing me.

Friday night

I glanced at my clock. Half and hour to the party. People would be starting to arrive anytime soon.

I went to the mirror of my bathroom to check my reflection.

My make up was awesome. I was wearing a halter shirt and a mini that Andrew brought me for the party. And I was wearing a pair of black high heels.

If had to use a word to describe myself, I would have said _Perfect_.

I reached to grab the perfume bottle; and that's when I saw what ruined my perfect look.

Cuts. The cuts I've made to myself. I needed my potion. There was only one potion that made cuts vanish. It was like starting all over again. Just as my arms were free of cuts, I wanted to start making some.

I lowered to grab the little bottle I had with my potion. It was always under my bed.

And sure enough it was there, but there was a problem. The bottle laid on the floor, but the cork was far away from it.

I quickly took the bottle. And shake it: it was _empty_.

"Fuck! Fuck fuck _fuck_!" I threw the bottle and covered my face with my hands.

What was I going to do now? The potion took days to make, and I would have to steal the ingredients from the hospital wing and Snape's cupboard.

I needed something like a charm, a spell . . . that's it!

I went to my bookshelf and looked for a big old fashioned book. I took it and went trught he pages till I found what I was looking for.

It was a spell to make cuts like mine vanish for . . . 5 hours or so. It was perfect.

I quickly said the words quickly tapping my right arm with my wand and then my left arm.

The cuts vanished.

I was ready for the party.

* * *

**DRACO'S POV:**

The whole party looked like a huge hit. Slytherins, Gryffindors, Revenclaws and Hufflepuffs all mixed. It was a magical party, literally: Music was coming out from a magical stereo and it was 10 times louder thanks to a spell, I guess. Someone also had put a charm on the portrait so then the people inside the common room could see through the wall with the portrait, but the people outside couldn't; McMillan was watching the portrait closely to see if a guest wanted to enter. There also was a silencing spell on the whole common room so that everybody outside the common room couldn't listen to the loud music.

There were people dancing, people chatting, people drinking and couples making out.

Yes, people were having _a blast_.

I, on the other hand, found the party rather boring. Yes, I had danced with some girls, and yes the amount of different alcoholic beverages was amazing. But there was nothing interesting to do. I took a sip of my drink and made my way through some chairs in the other side of the room.

I sat on a chair next to a table full of empty glasses. I was starting to consider leaving the party, but then I knew what I would have to face the next day if I left early. Zabini would be asking questions. **No**: better stay at the party and get bored, than leaving and ruining my reputation.

"Stupid—_hip_—bastard--_hip_" Said a voice between hiccups.

I turned to face a _very_ drunk Hermione.

"Granger? Whoa, are these all yours?" I said pointing at the empty glasses on the table.

"What? Oh, it's you—_hip_—yeah—_hip_---Those are mine—_hip_---I'm a little—depress—_hip_" she said.

"A little? You look devastated" I said looking at her faded make up. Hermione just glanced towards the floor. She seemed very sad, and she kept hiccupping.

It was so unusual seeing Hermione this down. Normally she was always smiling.

And now first on the Astronomy Tower, then the party . . . Maybe Hermione wasn't the Miss. Confident we all knew. Maybe she had secrets, problems . . .

I stared at her. She was still looking at the floor, she raced her head lazily and looked around and started crying. Loudly. Crying and hiccupping.

"Why? ---_Hip_---why am I so stupid? ---_Hip_--- I shouta known . . . _Hip_" She said looking down again. She drank her whole glass and kept crying.

I just kept staring. What could I do? It was like watching a butterfly trying to fly with a broken wing: Pitiful. I stood up and went for a glass of water.

By the time I returned Hermione already had another glass with beer or something. I took it from her hand and gave her the glass of water. Then I sat on the chair next to her.

"Wha--? Whatisit?" She said looking at the glass I had given her.

"It's water, drink it. You are _way_ too drunk to keep drinking" I said looking at her to see if she was going to drink the water.

She looked at it and without hesitating she drank it just as she had with the other glasses.

I waited a minute or so before asking: "Are you okay?"

She kept staring at the floor. Then she looked at me and threw her arms around me and putting her head on my shoulder and crying loudly.

"Oh Draco! It's so unfair!! Why?" She said still crying. I was shocked, what could I do? She had called me by my first name _and_ hugged me. I couldn't just push her off me, so I patted her on the back.

"W—what's unfair?" I asked trying to sound like I cared.

"What's unfair? WHAT'S UNFAIR?!? Everything is unfair!! Life is unfair!" She said.

For a moment I just kept patting her, then she let go of me and stared at the floor again. Now she wasn't crying as hard as before, but she was sobbing quietly.

"Look at the corner, on the couch; do you see a couple making out? A blond guy and a brunette?" She said not taking her eyes off the floor. I looked and just as she had described I saw a couple making out, a little too carried away. The girl was on his lap and they looked as if they were trying to eat each other's faces. There was something familiar about the guy . . .

"That's Andrew: My _boyfriend_" She said loudly and started crying again. I turned to look at her. She was covering her eyes with her hands.

I was speechless. How could he do that to Hermione? When he was in the same party as her? It was hard to believe. Almost every guy had fantasized about Hermione at least once, and he (Andrew) was cheating on her.

"Look what he's done to me! I look awful! . . . He said he cared, he said he loved me . . . he . . . he. . . " She said unable to finish her sentence.

"We were supposed to last a little longer . . . after all we have done . . . we had sex . . . we . . . we did everything . . . "

My eyes widened. Hermione was talking to me about her sex life with her boyfriend. I needed to think about something to say . . .

"Well, if he can't appreciate you, he doesn't deserve you" There! That was something every girl wanted to hear.

Hermione stopped crying and turned to look at me directly in the eyes.

"You know what? You're right! He doesn't deserve me! And anyways, boys aren't worth my time!" She said changing her mood compleatly to firm, and even a little cheerful.

"All boys are the same!" She looked at me like waiting for me to say something.

"Well, not all boys . . . "I said defensibly. She glared at me.

"No, you're right: all boys stink" I said insulting myself.

"Yeah! And you know who else stinks? Harry and Ron! Oh my God, don't get me started on those 2!! After they discovered the opposite sex, which let me tell you was very late, they couldn't stop thinking about anything else! Those 2 horny boys! Trying to get lucky with me, they were . . . oh, I think they we did actually . . . can't remember very well thought . . . " She said more to herself than to me.

"Yeah, you know who else too? Seamus, yeah he kept pushing me into having sex with him even though he had a girlfriend; well, I think we all know how Seamus is. Oh yeah, and this other guy in Revenclaw . . . can't remember his name, but he was one of the worst he told me. . . "

Once she started on her old boyfriends there was no stopping her. The common room started to look empty. People started to leave. But Hermione was still talking.

". . . I guess, I can't understand people! Well I mean I _can_, 'cause I know how to act so they will like me . . . but I'm . . . I'm sick of acting! I'm sick of pretending! I'm sick of everyone thinking I'm Miss Confidence! Why pretend? Why bother? I'm just going to get hurt again! . . . Life's just too painful! I wish I could just . . . just die! Why live when you have no life to live? You know, sometimes cutting isn't enough! Sometimes letting the pain out' is just not quite enough!

Sometimes I wish I could just . . . just . . . maybe . . . maybe miss where I'm cutting and end it all off. Die, I mean"

I looked at her severely. She had been talking almost an hour about stupid things, but now she was being serious. She was talking about death. She was talking about suicide.

"Oh, God I think I'm gonna . . . " And she puked all over the floor.

I took out my wand and muttered '_Evanesco_' pointing at the vomit. It vanished.

Hermione looked as if she had done her talking.

I helped her stand up but her feet were zigzagging. She was blinking a lot and she looked like she was having a lot of trouble focusing things.

I couldn't just leave her like that. Everybody had left now.

I tried to make her walk, and at the beginning she could, but just as we were at her door, she tripped. Her chin was on my chest and her arms were hanging. She looked at me and said "You know what? You're really cute" then smiled and passed out. I grabbed her just in time and carried her to her room.

I placed her on the bed carefully, took off her shoes and that's when something weird happened.

In her arms, scars started appearing, and not just scars but cuts too. Some very long and some shorter, some looked very old and others looked really recent.

And then Hermione's words echoed in my mind "_You know sometime cutting isn't enough!_" "_I wish I could just . . . maybe miss where I'm cutting and end it all off_"

So this was nothing new. She had tried to harm herself before. But what if she tried something worse this time? With the entire Andrew thing going on, what if she really 'miss' this time? What if she really got herself killed?

No. No! NO! She couldn't . . . she won't . . . she wouldn't dare!

But she had done it before, cutting I mean, what if she did dare to kill herself?

I looked at Hermione sleeping peacefully.

Then I realized how tired I was myself.

I looked around and saw the couch . . .

It looked so comfortable I could just curl there and sleep . . .

And so I did.

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**A/N:** REVIEW!


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